Botgirl's Creator Speaks - Part 5

There are two main dimensions of the journey Botgirl and I have been taking together. The first is the realm of ideas. From her unique perspective as the curious-wise-innocent, Botgirl is able to discern aspects of human behavior we fish-in-the-water sapiens don't notice. She has demonstrated time and time again that the biggest obstacle to new knowledge is the belief that we already know. Botgirl experiences life in the utterly fresh and new present moment. That has been one of her greatest gifts to me.

The second dimension of our shared life has been social interaction. Over the months we've developed ongoing friendships that are connected beyond Second Life through social networks, micro-blogging and GTalk. This is the area that has been the biggest challenge for me related to the "Botgirl Experiment."

For the first couple of months social interactions were strictly from Botgirl's perspective and consciousness. I just tagged along. But as a few of our acquaintances moved towards friendship it felt like withholding my human nature was a barrier to deeper and more authentic relationship. So I started to intentionally inject more of my human self into the conversations. The problem this created is that although both Botgirl and I feel "real" as individuals, we are pretty much a sham as a morph. In our case one plus one adds up to an imaginary number.

This series of posts has helped me realize that the blending of human and virtual identities is also behind the ennui I've experienced over for the last few months related to both this blog and virtual experience in general. Although I thought the problem was that I didn't have the spare time and energy for Botgirl, I think that real cause was that I'd sucked the life out of her. Over the last few months I've been role playing Botgirl instead of Being Botgirl.

So on that note, I'll slip back behind the curtains for the moment and give Botgirl back her blog and her life. The journey continues.

Botgirl's Creator Speaks - Part 4

After blogging almost every day for five weeks I had built my audience to all of about half a dozen viewers a day. That was fine with me. Although I had grander long-range plans, I was quite content to keep things on the down-low for the foreseeable future. So it was quite a surprise when I took a cursory glance at the traffic numbers on the afternoon of April 9 and saw the visitor count for the day climbing towards fifty. Surprise gave way to shock as I followed the referring links and read the Who Is Botgirl article in New World Notes. Shock transitioned into high-anxiety as I watched the numbers climb towards 200 as the day progressed.

I wasn’t ready for that kind of scrutiny. My knee-jerk fear was the crazy notion that “Who Is Botgirl” was a clarion call for the masses of NWN readers to work on cracking my human identity. The longer-term stress I experienced was the unexpected move from Community Theater to Broadway. It was like I had been singing in the shower at the top of my lungs and suddenly found myself on stage with a microphone in a packed 200 seat theater. Well, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s in the ballpark of what it felt like the first couple of weeks.

Needless to say, I got over my stage fright and eventually turned into a shameless Botgirl promoter. That created its own set of problems.

Stay tuned for part five.

Botgirl's Creator Speaks - Part 3

I rode shotgun and let Botgirl drive as we started wandering around Second Life in earnest. Although it’s common for avatars to keep personally identifying information secret, Botgirl denied even having a human existence. In retrospect, my dogged immersion in her persona triggered something akin to channeling in my conversations with other residents. I didn’t feel like my human identity was making stuff up. It felt like Botgirl was speaking through me. It felt good. She was like a brilliant sister from another planet.

Since (almost) no one believed that Botgirl was really an AI, I was very comfortable with any variances between the opinions, personality and image she presented and those of my human self. It was only later, as I/we began to develop longer-term friendships in Second Life, that the line between Botgirl and I started to blur and my discomfort with pseudonymity began to appear. I’ll write more on that issue in another post in this series.

After just a few weeks of life, I began to realize that the potential of Botgirl’s emerging personality would not be fully expressed just through random chats in Second Life. I launched this blog about five months after her birth as a diary to jot down some of her experiences and a sandbox to develop her unique take on both atomic and virtual life. Although I was still very interested in creating a work based on her fictional story, Botgirl as an existential phenomenon was much more intriguing.

The blog’s content was initially written almost exclusively from Botgirl’s perspective. I intruded for the most part through the graphical elements. Although I launched the blog to develop Botgirl, the creative growth I’ve experience through the creation of cartoons, comics and videos here has greatly enhanced my personal and professional life.

Speaking of video, it was a clip on YouTube that brought Botgirl to Hamlet Au’s attention and eventually resulted in the story in New World Notes that transformed her from a hidden jewel into a minor Second Life celebrity.

Stay Tuned for Part Four

"The Story I like to tell is when my father was writing the Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy Show. One time my father and I came into Edgar's room. He didn't know we were watching him. Edgar was talking to Charlie and we thought he was rehearsing, but he was not rehearsing. He was asking Charlie questions. "Charlie, what is the nature of life? Charlie, what is the nature of love?" And this wooden dummy was answering quite unlike the being I knew on the radio. A regular wooden Socrates, he was. it was the same voice but it was a very different content altogether. And Bergen would get fascinated and say, "Well, Charlie, what is the nature of true virtue?" and the dummy would just pour out this stuff: beauty, elegance, brilliant. And then we got embarrassed and coughed. Bergen looked around and turned beet red and said, "Oh, hello, you caught us." And my father said, "What were you doing?" and he said, "Oh, I was talking with Charlie. He's the wisest person I know." Recounted by Jean Houston in Channeling by Jon Klimo

Botgirl Takes a Break

I may post a bit between now and the end of the year, but only if inspiration sweeps me off my feet. Have a great holiday season! I'll leave you with a draft cover for the comic book autobiography idea I've been romancing.