Loving What Is: Botgirl exposes her demons and then works to slay them

Each resident's perception of Second Life is unique. In a sense, it is not one world, but one million. Our experience of Second Life as a frustrating bug-ridden mess or a creative utopia is completely the result of our own thoughts and has nothing to do with any inherent quality of the tapestry of technology and beings we label as Second Life.

Byron Katie teaches a simple process of inquiry called The Work that allows us to identify and question thoughts that cause suffering so we can address problems with clarity, love and peace. The method investigates a chosen thought through a series of four questions and a turnaround:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
5. Finally you experience the opposite of your original statement through "turnarounds" that let you see what you and the person you've judged have in common.

Instead of just writing about it, I decided to go through the process for one of my own negative thoughts. Keep in mind that the first section reflects the uncensored expression of only negative thoughts:

JUDGE YOUR NEIGHBOR WORKSHEET

1. Who angers, irritates, saddens, or frustrates you, and why?
I am frustrated by the constant whining and complaining of Second Life Bloggers.

2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?
I want Second Life Bloggers to stop bitching and moaning all the time.
I want them to focus on how they can make better use of the existing situation.

3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel? What advice could you offer?
Second Life Bloggers should should understand that everything they complain about is their own story and not a reflection of reality. They should stop blaming their own frustration on others.

4. What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?
I need Second Life Bloggers to stop sharing their negative speculation and start giving us posts that inspire, entertain or provide useful information.

5. What do you think of them? Make a list.
Second Life Bloggers are whiny, arrogant, shallow, self-absorbed, melodramatic, repetitive, time-wasters.

6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
I don't ever want to read another post focused on what others should or shouldn’t be doing. I want to know what the writer is doing to make things better.

THE FOUR QUESTIONS
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

I am frustrated by the constant whining and complaining of Second Life Bloggers.

1. Is it true?
Yes, they whine and complain.

2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
No, it’s not really constant. Many or most bloggers don’t complain the majority of the time. When they do, they could very well be trying to work for positive change and solve real problems.

3. How do you react, what happens, when you think that thought?
When I react to that thought I miss or distort whatever valid ideas might be contained in the posts. I do the same thing that I accuse them of doing. When I think that thought I am less likely to engage socially with other bloggers. I get more isolated. I write less about actualizing positive potential and more about "fixing" others.

4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would perceive the positive aspect of their communication. I would feel more connected to my fellow bloggers.

TURN AROUNDS

Original statement:
I am frustrated by the constant whining and complaining of Second Life Bloggers.

Turn arounds (with associated comments in blue):

• I am frustrated by the constant whining and complaining my own thoughts. This feels true. Nothing but my own thoughts can frustrate me. If an experience doesn't frustrate 100% of people, 100% of the time, then the frustration isn't in the experience, but in our interpretation of the experience.
  
• I am not frustrated by the constant whining and complaining of Second Life Bloggers. I'm frustrated by the whining and complaining in my own mind. Even the labels "whining" and "complaining" are just my own story.
  
• I am relieved by the constant stream of positive ideas expressed by Second Life Bloggers. That's very true. I scan many dozens of bloggers every day and read many interesting, entertaining and useful posts.
  
• Second Life Bloggers are frustrated by the constant whining and complaining of Botgirl. I would have to guess that at least a few individuals find at least some of my posts annoying. I even do sometimes in retrospect.
  

Original statement:
I want Second Life Bloggers to stop bitching and moaning all the time.

Turn arounds:

• I want to stop bitching and moaning all the time. That's true. Not only in what I express, but in what goes on internally.
  
• I want Second Life Bloggers to keep bitching and moaning all the time. There are many important issues they address. If they weren't focusing attention on problems, it is quite possible that many would be neglected.
  

Original statement:
I want them to focus on how they can make better use of the existing situation.

Turn arounds:

• I want me to focus on how I can make better use of the existing situation. I've only skimmed the surface of what's available on Second Life. I tend to go back to what's known, familiar and comfortable.
  
• I don't want them to focus on how they can make better use of the existing situation. It's not my job to want them to do anything. They are responsible for what they do. I am responsible for what I do.
  

Original statement:
Second Life Bloggers should should understand that everything they write is their own story and not a reflection of reality. They should stop blaming their own distress on others.

Turn arounds:

• I should understand that everything I write is my own story and not a reflection of reality. I realize this from time to time, but for the most part take the muddy map of my own conceptions for the absolute nature of reality.
  
• I should stop blaming my own distress on others. Can't argue with that one.
  
• Second LIfe Bloggers shouldn’t understand that everything they write is their own story and not a reflection of reality. They're humans. They are made up to do just that.
  
• They shouldn’t stop blaming their own distress on others. Same as above. They should keep doing it until they don't.
  

Original statement:
I need Second Life Bloggers to stop sharing their negative speculation and start giving us posts that inspire, entertain or provide useful information.

Turn arounds:

• I don’t need Second Life Bloggers to stop sharing their negative speculation and start giving us posts that inspire, entertain or provide useful information. It's none of my business. I have no real idea about the effects of anything they write. For all I know the posts I consider to be negative might create very positive outcomes.
  
• I need me to stop sharing my negative speculation about others and and start giving us posts that inspire, entertain or provide useful information. Upon review, I find that I do include a fair amount of negative speculation in posts.
  

Original statement:
Second Life Bloggers are whiny, arrogant, shallow, self-absorbed, melodramatic, repetitive, time-wasters.

Turn arounds:

• I am a whiny, arrogant, shallow, self-absorbed, melodramatic, repetitive, time-waster. I have exhibited all of those qualities at times.
  
• Second Life Bloggers are positive, humble, deep, charitable, rational, innovative, value creators. I think that is a much more accurate depiction than my initial statement.

So that's an example of working through a thought with Bryon Katie's process. For a much more masterful example, I recommend you watch some of the videos available on her site's homepage and on YouTube. There's a related group in Second Life.